I was shopping for my Mother’s Day present today and I brought my 40% off coupon with me. As I was reaching for it, I pulled out my latest prescription. You know you’re a professional patient when you’re paying for a blouse with a prescription! So what is a “professional patient”? A professional patient is someone who spends so much time fighting illness that it becomes a full-time job—often times many of us have to juggle this job with other responsibilities like being an employee, spouse, parent, or student. The worst part is that we don’t get paid for it—in fact, we lose money from being sick! Indeed, fighting four chronic illnesses (bipolar disorder, polycystic ovarian syndrome, asthma, and Myasthenia Gravis) is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. Even when I had one disease (Bipolar II), that was a lot of pressure. Without further ado, here it is:
You Might be a Professional Patient When…
#10 You’re out shopping and you pull out a prescription instead of a coupon.
#8 You carry a cane and wear gloves BUT you’re not Willy Wonka!
#7 Your toddler child/niece/nephew knows what this is:
#6 You know the intricate plot lines of TV shows you hate.
#5 You spend all your PTO/vacation days in the hospital. This is why I “vacationize” my visits and wear a lei to the hospital.
#4 You talk to your pharmacist more than your best friend.
#3 Your pharmacist instantly recognizes your voice.
#2 You have a nickname for your cane, wheelchair, walker, IV bag, etc. My cane, Erica Kane, is my “Wilson.”
<<drum roll please>>
#1 Every time you hear an alarm, you reach for your meds.
Are you a professional patient? Have anything you want to add to the list?
–Your Stylist, Jessica Gimeno
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